Nearly 48 million Americans provide care to an adult family member or friend, according to a 2020 study by the National Alliance for caregiving and AARP. The study, Caregiving in the United States, found that most respondents, 87%, said caregiving had a moderate or high impact on their overall stress level, and 67% said they had some difficulty in balancing work and life responsibilities.
While caregiving has its rewards, it also brings challenges, and those can lead to mental and physical illness for caregivers, including depression and anxiety.
Nia Howard, program and engagement specialist with Burrell Behavioral Health's Be Well Initiatives, said isolation and trying to balance several responsibilities with caregiving are two big issues caregivers face.
"So there's the balance aspect of making it all fit into a day. You may be having to say no to your friend that asks you out to go on a hike or to see your kids play in their game because your person that you're caretaking needs you," she said. "Sometimes it's something that we don't also share with everybody, you know, because you're so busy or because you're just trying to fit it all in sometimes, too. If you're an adult child that has grown up and fallen into that role, it might not be one that you knew you were going to have or that you really readily are accepting, but that's just the way it is. So sometimes all of those things together, I think, can bring in some isolation."
Burnout, she said, can be a big issue for caregivers, and there are symptoms you can watch for.
"It could be that you're very, very, very tired. It could be even that you're feeling a little bit cynical when you're there with that person feeling more annoyed by the different things, or feeling like the challenges are just so much bigger and then again, feeling isolated, feeling like you are missing out on things would also be some symptoms too," Howard said.
Shelly Drymon is a caregiver to her partner Steve, who has acute idiopathic transverse myelitis. It came on suddenly and changed their lives drastically.
"I didn't deal with it at first very well. I found myself sleeping a lot, feeling very fatigued, very depressed, doing some unhealthy things like, oh, I'm just going to binge watch TV and, you know, snack on whatever," she said. "And I ended up in the emergency room twice in one week with out-of-control blood pressure and a racing heart. And they boiled that down to anxiety. And I actually did get anti-anxiety pills to help me and I do. I take them on occasion. When I'm starting to feel that anxiety, I feel I'm coping well, but I don't know if I am. I tell myself I'm coping well, but I don't. I don't know if I am, to be honest with you."
So how do you avoid burnout or deal with it if it happens? Howard, who was a caregiver for her father, suggests having a routine.
"When you get up in the morning, hopefully you're getting some nutrition in there. Maybe you're moving your body. Of course, your work schedule. But then also, what are you going to do? What is the caretaking routine, and what is your routine for yourself when you get back home or when you have your time?" she said. "And then the second one is your own time, being able to have some little peace, hopefully every day. And I know that might not be possible for everybody, but I hope that as a caretaker you have a little bit of a break."
She said you don't have to do it all on your own. Ask a friend to step in for a bit or a neighbor so you can go shop for groceries or attend your children's events, or hire someone from an agency that specializes in caregiving. And allow yourself some grace.
"So being able to do your best and know that sometimes there's mistakes, so you get a restart and you get another restart and another restart. Bringing grace into your life also brings gratitude," she said. "And that's the next one — being grateful for some of the things we asked about, kind of the joys and the things that you get from being a caretaker. Finding those, paying attention to them, sitting with them a little bit. Because when we do, we see them more. We see these beautiful things around us, and we're able to have a little bit of lightweightness when we need it."
Caring for yourself can lead to a better outcome for the person you're caring for. Drymon sees a therapist on a regular basis. Her husband has dealt with depression. They have regular conversations about how they're feeling.
I think one of the ways that we cope together is just having these types of conversations. Be like, hey, I'm feeling this right now, or I need this right now, or I don't need this right now. And so I think that that's how the two of us cope together," she said.
Howard said caregivers should be honest with themselves about how they're feeling and to not feel guilty about doing what they need to do to care for themselves as well.
"Humans need that break. They need somebody that is on their side," she said. "They need to be able to do a little bit of a tag team and come back refreshed and more, ready to be that caretaker."
Shelly Drymon, is an employee of Ozarks Public Broadcasting.
Dax Bedell provided production support for this story.
