A growing number of families is stepping up to care for parents and grandparents at home. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that more than 37 million people across the country are providing unpaid elder care. Many in that group are a part of what's called the “sandwich generation” — those providing care for both children and parents.
One local caregiver is Jaira Warren.
"We just have to do it," she said. "There is no, ‘How do you do it?’ You just do it."
Warren said she is determined to make sure her family is taken care of. The mother of five is trained as a dental assistant, so she is someone familiar with medical terminology but said most of her caregiving experience came from time spent with her mother, Ronda Lewis, who died earlier this year following a series of health complications.
"She had kidney failure for about 30 years, the chronic kidney disease. Plus, congestive heart failure. Her body just couldn't handle it anymore. She had been fighting for a long time," she said. "I’ve been helping my mom and dad for years and years. Whenever I go to the doctor, my mom would always make sure that I was there because she didn't always understand everything. And so, when they would explain things, I would just ask them as well, and they would break it down so that I would be able to break it down to her.
Jaira said she and her family are still in the grieving stage, including her father, Jeffery Lewis, who was married to Ronda for 40 years.
"That’s all I know, was Ronda, you know what I mean?" said Lewis. "Now she’s gone, and I don’t know what to do. I cry, but you can only cry so much. Forty years! I was 17, and she was 21. My daughter said she was robbing the cradle."
Lewis was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and now spends most days in his daughter's care. According to the Mayo Clinic, MS is a neurological disease where the body's immune system attacks nerve fibers in the brain and spinal cord. For our conversation, Warren, who lives just a few houses away, patiently helped her dad in and out of his wheelchair. He was also able to share a few hugs with his grandkids.
"When I first got sick," he said, "I dealt with being unbalanced when I walked. I would forget things, I would have cramps."
Only in his mid-50s, Jeffrey said learning to operate within certain limits has been quite a process. But having family close by has made all the difference.
"At first, I don’t know how many times I fell. Then, I learned to manage what I have to do to keep from falling. So now, I can walk a little better. I know what I can and can’t do, he said. "She takes all of my medicine and puts it all together. When I miss, she gets on me. She’s been a phenomenal daughter. I wouldn’t trade her in for nothing in the world."
Warren is 35 and is a part of what's called the sandwich generation, a special group of caregivers providing care for children and adults and the same time. According to the American Psychological Association, mothers in this group, ages 35-54, feel more stress than any other age group. This stress takes a toll on caregivers, not just on personal relationships but also on their own well-being. And then, there is the financial pressure.
"It is hard, it’s very, very hard. Because as you know we take care of our household as well as help my dad with his household. So, bills and everything else that comes with it, that’s double," she said. "Sometimes things happen, and you don’t get that help, and we’ve faced that a lot. But, we just rob from Peter to pay Paul and just make it work."
Warren said one major challenge is making sure her father's home is accessible.
"Having a ramp. Having bars that they can hold on to," she said. "You wouldn’t even think about it, but like the bathtub. Having an area where you can have a walk-in shower or a seat. If they are not able to step over the tub, they can’t take a shower."
After work and during breaks, Warren drops in to help with chores or just to share a few laughs.
"She goes to the grocery store for me and does all of my shopping," he said. "She knows what I like."
Both Lewis and Warren said they were always close, but their bond has become even stronger as they've supported each other through years of significant life changes. Lewis said anyone looking to take care of their parents should make sure their heart is in the right place.
"You’ve got to treat them like you love them and take good care of them," he said, "and don’t let anyone say this can’t be done or that can’t be done."
"It’s not only about the family you brought in," said Warren. "It’s the family that brought you in. So, that’s how I look at it."