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Sunday is Valentine’s Day. While many single adults dread the holiday, one local woman is welcoming it with a positive attitude, saying she believes she’s finally learned the true meaning of “love.” KSMU’s Jennifer Moore has this story.
Last year on Valentine’s Day, 41-year-old Dana received candy, flowers, and a card from the man she’d considered to be her "valentine” for 10 years. He was also the same man who had beaten her black and blue, was extremely jealous, and who belittled her in front of their children. Her concept of love one year ago, she says, was warped.
“There was very addictive behavior,” she says, adding that her partner frequently told her he needed her and that he was “nothing” without her.
“I just figured that that was what love was all about: I thought it was all-consuming, and everything revolved around my partner,” she says.
She said she was constantly trying to change herself to please her partner, but no matter how she altered her hair, her lifestyle, her cooking—you name it—it was never seen as good enough in his eyes. Dana says she eventually became brainwashed into believing that she was a worthless human being. Her partner, she said, twisted reality when trying to justify his behavior.
“He told me ‘Because I love you, this is why I do these things. You do not understand because you never had anyone love you like me before,’” she says.
Dana left her abusive partner last summer and fled to the Family Violence Center in Springfield, where she lives now. Through counseling, she’s developed a completely different understanding of love, in just a few short months.
“I realize that love is not abusive. Love is not painful. Although you do go through painful aspects in life, it’s not pain inflicted by your partner to you. And I also learned that true love in a relationship will give you freedom to be yourself, and not to be molded into what they want you to be,” Dana said.
Dana lives in the transitional housing section of the battered women’s shelter: that’s a series of apartments for women who are almost ready to stand on their own two feet. She says she’s not in a romantic relationship right now, and she’s fine with that.
“I love Dana, because I am of value. My value is not determined by another person, and I do not have to have a relationship to know that I am loved on Valentine’s Day. I am intelligent and beautiful and caring, and I have wonderful family, friends and children. I do not have my partner tell me what I am anymore. Now, I stand tall and love and respect myself,” she says.
On Sunday, Dana will be celebrating Valentine’s Day by having a sandwich party with her four children. She’s taking online courses to further her education. She says she aspires to be a paralegal and work with women who have left their abusive partners.
For KSMU News, I’m Jennifer Moore.
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