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It Wasn’t Her Dream, but now, America is Fayda Bown’s Soul

For Fayda Pires Bown, the path to America has been unexpected and complicated. It was never her dream to live here.

Bown grew up in the big city of Goiânia, Brazil where she had a difficult childhood. She tells me she had an emotionally and physically abusive mother. By the time Bown was seventeen, she had come to the end of her rope.

“I did not understand why she was that evil. And I thought, well, the best thing I can do, because I grew up in the way my grandma told me: never ever answer parents back. And I never did. I end up trying [to] kill myself,” said Bown.

She actually tried twice. Eventually, she was able to move forward. She got married and she and her husband moved to Japan for a couple of years. They moved back to Brazil where they would have two children. Ten years after returning from Japan,  Bown’s journey to America began, even though she didn’t know it yet.

“The beginning beginning, my older son, 10 years old, he has heart attack. And I was marry with his dad, but I call him my ghost husband, because he never was there,” said Bown.

Bown says she was alone at her son’s side for the three months he was in a coma. She lost her job and struggled with hunger. Her younger five-year-old son stayed at the neighbor’s. She felt desperate.

“I marry with this beautiful, wonderful, muscle man, but he was not there for me [at] the time I needed. I was, ‘God, I pray all the time, I pay my tithings!’ And my son was dying. What kind of god is that?” said Bown.

When her son came out of the coma, his doctor advised Bown that he would do better living in a colder climate than Brazil – some place with snow. So, Bown left her “ghost husband” once and for all.

She met an American man through a church dating site.  They got engaged, and he filed immigration documentation for Bown and the kids. They moved to Springfield, Missouri, but, she says shortly after they got there, he turned violent.

“He’d throw me on the bed, close the door and yell with me. And my young son, he called 911 that day,” said Bown.

That day changed everything. She spent four months in a shelter in Springfield without her oldest son. At 16 now, he was too old to stay in a women’s shelter.

Bown requested a transfer to Kaysville, Utah, where she could be with both of her boys.

Their shelter room was small with bunkbeds on one side, a little table and a tiny closet. The communal bathroom was down the hall. In the kitchen was a machine that dispensed coffee and hot milk.

“I always love hot milk with nothing. And one time the roach drop in my cup. I cannot say for you in words express – I never drank milk again in the shelter. Never again,” said Bown.

Despite the hardships, Bown appreciated her time at the shelter.

“In the shelter, I am so glad how God puts things in my life, because was not my dream come here, but it’s God’s plan. And in the shelter I grow more than my whole life in Brazil,” said Bown.

While she was there, she had care from doctors and social workers. She had friends at the local Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and started getting back on her feet.

After four months in the Kaysville shelter, Bown moved into her bishop’s family’s home in Lindon, Utah. Her immigration documentation stated that she could not work while in the United States. She wanted something to do, so she volunteered at a greenhouse nursery. Then John Leslie Bown showed up.

He came to the nursey to buy plants one day and just kept coming back. After coming over for dinner a few times, the two became inseparable – until he wanted her to move back to Springfield with him.

He lived in Springfield this whole time, but was in Utah visiting family. Fayda was concerned about moving back to the city where her abuser lived. So much so, that she and John spent two weeks without contact. Finally, the bishop’s wife encouraged her to forgive. With that, John and Fayda Bown were married and moved to Springfield.

Since then, they have had a wonderful relationship, even with the trouble they had with each other’s names.

“He doesn’t like I call him John, because all his life, people call him Les. Second language learn, more and less. I told him, “I don’t want loser in my life!” said Fayda Bown.

He also had trouble with her name. As she told me he said, “’I always to remember your name Fayda, I need to remember fajita.’ Good thing I like Mexican food!”

I asked her when she decided to become a U.S. citizen.

“When I was in shelter. When I learn here that I have all the support in the world I found for me – the right support psychologically – I can stand up for myself. I never had that,” said Bown.

Fayda Bown became a U.S. citizen on June 1, 2017. It was an emotional day.

“If I have all the vocabulary in the world, I cannot express for you. I feel born again. I do not ever win lottery in my life, but to have this diploma in my hand – a little simple paper, you can throw it away – and tell me I did it. Nobody did it for me. I did it,” said Bown.

Today, Bown is living her best life – going to OTC and hanging out with her husband, riding their motorcycle, and going out to movies and restaurants.

“What’s your favorite restaurant here?” I asked.

“My favorite favorite? Have only two,” she said.

“Ok, what are they?” I asked.

“Golden Corral – it’s not everybody like it, but I love Golden Corral. And Canton Inn for Chinese,” she said.

Even in a life of turmoil, things can turn out alright. Fayda Bown has learned this in her journey to America.  

“I learn to love American. Not my dream, but now America is my life, is my soul,” said Bown.

Jessica Gray Balisle, a Springfield native, grew up listening to KSMU. When she's not wrangling operations and compliance issues, she co-hosts live music show Studio Live and produces arts and culture stories. Jessica plays bass in local band the Hook Knives. She and her husband Todd live with their two cats, Ellie and Jean-Ralphio, and way too many house plants.
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